It’s not you, it’s me

29 Mar

My anxiety about returning to my school building today – and for the next three days – has very little to do with fear of catching COVID. I am fully vaccinated after all. It has everything to do with people.

I am one of those introverts who has actually thrived ( thriven?) in isolation. I love being at home. My students are being successful. I have a happy routine that has worked for the last year. For the next three days, I have to be around people and that has me very anxious. Since I know I probably won’t be teaching in my own room, I’ve been making jokes about planning in my car. I am really only half joking.

We are a large staff…62 certified teacher, plus administration and classified staff.For the last year I have lived alone, eaten alone, walked alone – except for having Lucy, then Richard by my side. Any forays into the grocery store are strategic strikes, in and out in minimal time. And now, for the next three days, I have to sit in a room with most of those 62+ people as we learn how hybrid will look.

This is what is stressing me out today. Having spent the last year avoiding people, I feel like I am about to enter the lion’s den.

17 Responses to “It’s not you, it’s me”

  1. Trina March 29, 2021 at 6:02 am #

    I completely understand this. There are things about the pandemic that I have liked/thrived on, too. May you be able to ease into your new routine. Hugs

  2. Gail March 29, 2021 at 6:11 am #

    You got this! I believe in you and have a feeling you will make it through the day with flying colors! Sending you got this vibes your way!

    • Adrienne March 29, 2021 at 6:19 am #

      Thanks. I know it’s all in my head.

      • Lisa Corbett March 29, 2021 at 6:23 pm #

        Just because it’s all in your head doesn’t mean it isn’t real. It has been hard for me to go back to being around people after our big breaks too. But, this is a year for that! It’s okay to find a quiet spot to hide instead of feeling the need to be with the group in the staff room and I’m glad for that. If it wasn’t so cold here I am sure I would have had a few meals and prep periods in my car by now. Being around people is hard!!

  3. dianeandlynne March 29, 2021 at 6:19 am #

    I appreciate your hesitancy. It is hard to venture out of our comfort zones, but you know you can and will do this. I’ll keep you in my thoughts today.

  4. arjeha March 29, 2021 at 6:46 am #

    You will do just fine. After the year we’ve had there will be many new firsts that once were part of a typical day. We need to learn how to renavigate those situations and I don’t doubt that there will be a bit of stress involved for all.

  5. jarhartz March 29, 2021 at 6:52 am #

    I’m right there with you. Exactly in the same space. We go back the week of April 19, and I’m not looking forward to it. We worked hard to figure out how to make online learning work and it has. Feels silly to go back so close to the end of the year. BUT, know that you have done this before and you will again. And you will do it well. Because that’s what you do. Keep space for yourself to recover and be kind to yourself in this process.

    • Adrienne March 29, 2021 at 8:02 am #

      Kids begin hybrid on the 19th here, too. That’s part of wreaking this feels so weird. A lot can change in the three weeks before they begin.

      • jarhartz March 29, 2021 at 8:03 am #

        Yes! The “fluid” nature of it all. Hang in there!

  6. hzreflections March 29, 2021 at 7:50 am #

    That is a very overwhelming feeling. I hope your day is off to a good start. Take some time to be be yourself and shut your door if you can. Virtual caring being sent your way.

  7. Diane Anderson (newtreemom) March 29, 2021 at 8:19 am #

    Even as we returned to our building, all meetings have remained online. Our contact as staff is minimal. Even a lot of our work with students remains online. Last week, the week before spring break, for some reason that doesn’t make much sense, we were all virtual. I was glad to spend my days at home again, but I was surprised how much I noticed being alone every day.

    • Adrienne March 29, 2021 at 8:24 am #

      I wish we would go that route

  8. WOWilkinson March 29, 2021 at 8:55 am #

    I hope it goes well. I like the way you shared your thoughts and concerns in this post.

  9. mrssurridge March 29, 2021 at 5:46 pm #

    I have to admit that I will miss the solitude of Covid. I’m an introvert also and have loved having the excuse to be alone. I think it must have been horrible for extroverts…

    • Adrienne March 29, 2021 at 6:06 pm #

      I have a very extroverted team mate She has really struggled

      • mrssurridge March 29, 2021 at 7:08 pm #

        It’s been interesting to have them live in our world for a tiny bit. I guess we need to get used to getting back to their world. Ugh.

  10. Shaista March 30, 2021 at 2:13 pm #

    I LOVE this post! It’s like you’ve written on my behalf! I am extremely unsocial, love solitude, detest meeting people, and am an out-and-out introvert! So it was great to not have to go through the emotions of discomfort everyday this whole year. THAT part has worked very well for me,too!

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